I read a lot of articles about emotional intelligence… and I must say, I’ve very much bought into it.
I think it’s important in all facets of life to understand yourself and others … and have them understand you so that all parties can move forward.
At the moment, I am a Marketing Director at a Digital Technology company. I firmly believe I have achieved the level of Director (and perhaps have too much confidence regarding it). I can close deals, I manage a team of Digital Marketing professionals and I know how to execute what we sell. Although, my goal is to become a top level Marketing Executive… and I’m not there yet.
… and how does one achieve that, anyway? One way is through coaching and feedback from other Executives. I find it’s a nice thought, but they usually aren’t easy conversations to have.
I’ll share some takeaways from a recent example involving myself.
Takeaway 1: Hear the person out.
I was called into my bosses office where he gave me feedback on a recent client interaction and sales call. I’ve been here before and knew it wasn’t an easy conversation for him, either. It was important to me to let him share the feedback. Basic listening 101. The fact that I was getting feedback was important. You’re in trouble when those conversations cease to exist altogether…
Takeaway 2: Don’t rationalize.
Although, I admit that as I sat listening to him, immediately my mind started racing to justify my actions. I thought to myself, “Is this happening again?” I’m managing more than a handful of clients, helping close deals, mentoring the team and working almost 60 hours a week. 18 out of 20 things are going great, why aren’t we talking about those instead of the 2 that aren’t? Then I realized I was just rationalizing. No one was saying things weren’t going good, they were just saying a few things needed improvement.
Takeaway 3: Get mad… and then get over it.
For the rest of the day I was annoyed, mostly with myself. I wrote out all of the justifications and stewed over it all night. Then I also realized that if I was this upset about it, they must have a point, which I began to feel great about. If I wasn’t upset, it really wouldn’t have meant anything, nor would I be moving forward… and then I fell asleep.
Takeaway 4: Perfection doesn’t exist, but you can strive for excellence
I tell clients on a regular basis. You don’t have to be perfect to get started, we just have to start. You can polish process later. I feel the same way about people in their careers. No one was attempting to take away from me my past experiences or level (that was my own insecurities speaking). I had gotten myself this far before the age of 30. I effectively got started on the path. They were helping me polish myself.
There is a story about Brett Favre in his early tenure with the Green Bay Packers. No one doubted his ability to win games or athleticism and he captured the hearts of an entire fanbase. Although, people did question his ability to win a Super Bowl … and his disastrous, prior stint in Atlanta was well known. I was at his retirement ceremony where Mike Holmgren talked about the challenges of coaching him. He recounted the moment he knew the Packers were on the cusp of greatness. He said Brett came over to him on a plane ride home and said he understood the value of being coached and placing his trust in him. He had a role to play and if he wanted to go to the next level, he needed help. Favre went on to win three MVPs and the Packers won the Super Bowl during the 1996 season.
Takeaway 5: We are the masters of our domains
I also thought about what I was going to do with the feedback… and realized yet another thing. No one was necessarily right or wrong regarding the scenarios. I wasn’t being forced to do anything, I was being given suggestions. I think about US Presidents and all of the responsibility they have. There are tons of stories about how much feedback and advice they request regarding various decisions, but ultimately, they have to make a call on what they will and won’t do. The same applied here. I’ll likely take the majority of the feedback that was given to me and some of it I probably won’t based on what is and isn’t important to me… and I think that’s okay.
Takeaway 6: Know that what comes around, goes around
I’ve written in the past how we are all just in a race with ourselves to get where we want to go. Some of us are farther along, some farther behind, but we’ll all get to our destinations.
Interestingly enough, on the same week I had to give feedback of my own to a colleague… and I wanted to take some of my frustrations into account while giving it. In this example, this person was giving a demo for the first time to a client. I had to imagine this particular individual was nervous and I knew for a fact how much prep time went into it. Just the fact that this person was so willing to grow was very much appreciated by me…so I said so. I said how good I thought the presentation skills were (and meant it) and that this person had an ability to establish rapport with the client. Only after I led with the positive did I suggest some improvements to the actual pitch. I suppose I’ll never know for certain, but it wasn’t uncomfortable and I believe this person will continue to grow with some of my recommendations.
At the very least, hopefully they didn’t go home and over analyze the situation, but if they did they can at least read this blog ;-).
Until next time…